Thanks to everyone who attended, and additional thanks to the several who were able to stay and help set chairs up in prep for Sunday. Here are the notes I made in preparing for Iron Shop last Saturday.
Iron Shop 12-9-06
notes taken from “Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart” by Stu Weber
The King Pillar
We are facing a real problem in society. Our social structures have been pushed around by ideas such as political correctness and cultural sensitivity to the point that many men are unsure of what the role of a man truly is. The idea of equality of the sexes has become accepted in too many places. Christian men’s groups such as Promise Keepers are labeled as homophobic and tyrannical. Too many school districts act as though they are omniscient about what our children should be taught as fact and what should be taught as fable. Some of these attacks against biblical manhood are understandable because of poor decisions made by men in this and preceding generations. Because of men abusing the authority given to them by God, so many people either don’t believe in the Christian God or in any god at all.
The only way to counter these misconceptions is to properly fulfill the leadership roles which have been given to us by God. In order to do this, we must clearly understand what these roles are.
Stu Weber, author of “Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart” uses an opening passage (Genesis 2:15-2:18, specifically) of the Bible as the basis for the four pillars construct.
God created the man first. Genesis 2:7,8. This was no accident. This was a deliberate action of God.
God intended for man to work and take care of the garden. Genesis 2:15. Adam was still the only person at this point. Thus, it was clearly his job to take responsibility for the garden. He was to provide for the garden and make sure it was fruitful. God had placed in the man the role of leader and provider. We see through the remainder of Scripture that this was not to be an egotistical, self-centered monarch, but a Servant-King.
God gave to the man (again prior to the woman’s creation) specific instructions regarding the tree of knowledge. Genesis 2:16, 17. The Lord commanded the man to eat from any tree except from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God had given Adam vital information concerning life itself. God gave Adam the responsibility for teaching life lessons to those near and dear to him. There is a mentor in each of us. God’s intention is for us to be a Wise Mentor.
God issued a clear warning of danger in the realm. Genesis 2:17. God used the words, “You will surely die” in his conversation with the man. He was warning the man of an enormous threat in the realm. In a sense, God was saying, “It is dangerous here. You (and later those you love) are vulnerable in this place. Though it feels like paradise, you could die here.”
God clearly intended that Adam be alert, on guard, on watch. Adam was to protect himself, those around him, and his realm from the threat. There is a warrior in every man’s chest. God’s intention is a Tender Warrior.
God never intended for the man to live alone. Genesis 2:18. The immediate message here is marriage, but it is safe to extend this principle to other meaningful relationships. Alone is not good. Men were made to connect. Look at the later relationships between David and Jonathan, Paul and Timothy, Jesus and his disciples. There is a friend in every man’s chest. God’s intention is a Faithful Friend.
Genesis 3:1-19 records the account of the first sin and its catastrophic effects. It is worth noting that while the woman sinned first, when God came to confront the sinners, He came looking for the man.
We know that when God asked Adam, “Where are you?” God was not directionally challenged. Stu Weber asserts that God was demanding an explanation. God was demanding to know just what Adam had done with his masculine stewardship.
Where was the King in you, Adam? It appears you have not watched over your home. You have failed to superintend your realm. You have evidently failed to provide leadership to your family in the most basic area of all. It seems you were not looking ahead for those near and dear to you. Where was the King in you, man?
Where was the Warrior in you, Adam? When that snake invaded your home, were you asleep on guard duty? Why didn’t you stand between your wife and the evil in your world? Did you expect her to protect herself? Why didn’t you step into the gap?
Where was the Mentor in you, Adam? When your wife was taken in by that snake, where were you? When your wife conversed with that evil one, where was your influence? Was she not alert to what I told you earlier? Did you not communicate to her the information about life I gave to you? Where was the Mentor in you? Did you fail to teach?
Where was the Friend in you, Adam? When your wife was wandering off giving attention to evil influence, where were you? Were you aloof? Distant? Absent? Absorbed in your own stuff? Were you not with her? Where was the Friend in you, man? Did you fail to connect?
Please note that God holds the man responsible in a way in which he does not so hold the woman. Although Eve sinned first, it was Adam God who God went looking for. It is apparent that God expects the man to exercise some sort of family-wide responsibility reaching beyond his own personal responsibility.
There are serious and humbling implications here for each of us. The entire family suffers when the head of the family falls short. But when the man is following after God’s intentions for him, everyone wins.
Let’s take a good look at the heart of the king that God intended to thrive behind every man’s ribcage.
The heart of a king is provisionary. Pro- means acting in advance, not waiting to respond. Vision, of course, deals with sight. So, a proactive king is one who is looking ahead for the dangers around them. The king in a man looks ahead, anticipates needs, spots potential dangers, defines direction, and charts a wise course. He is an overseer.
A godly king takes all the necessary steps to see to it that his wife and children prosper – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, as well as financially. The king, when operating as he should, turns chaos into calm, is able to build peace and security into those he is serving. Hopefully you have seen such a king. Perhaps it was your father, or an uncle or grandfather. It may be a pastor or a close friend.
When the king pillar slips out of balance, the king either becomes an overbearing tyrant or a passive weakling. In either case, these people know only fear, envy, and hatred. They abuse and exploit those around them.
The king disciplines his children with spankings; the tyrant assaults children by beating. The king encourages his employees with recognition; the weakling controls his by belittling. The king out of balance is overly sensitive to criticism, and finds no joys in others’ successes.
A tyrant is able to destroy his children. They can be maimed by verbal assault, depreciation of their aspirations, or by simply ignoring their accomplishments.
A provisionary king keeps the larger issues before his family so they won’t be overcome by temporary setbacks or the disorienting fear of daily circumstances. Bottom line, the king provides a climate in his realm where all can exercise their gifts and flourish.
Men throwing their weight around to get what they want are not kings. They are phony. Real kings love. Authentic kings care, provide, serve, and sacrifice. True kings give themselves away. And, in the process, kings lead.
Imposter kings see themselves as the center. A real king exists for others! And he sees himself as providing order, justice, mercy and stability so others can thrive.
The men who wrote our Constitution were kings because they were looking way ahead. We have enjoyed the fruit of their foresight, the fruit of their provision. In contrast, many of the men today that interpret that constitution are not doing so for the protection and provision of a nation, but for their self-centered ideologies and agendas.
And we can easily see the lack of kingly influence in youth and children today through-out our community. So many of them have fathers that are not showing them what a king is, if they are around to show their children anything at all.
A word of caution: Never abuse the power of the king in your chest. Biblical servant-kings are just that- servant-leaders. Never abusers of any form of power. Possibly the most grave danger attached to the opportunities and responsibilities of a king is the risk that men will see their power as a weapon they can use for their own benefit, at the expense of those under his care. So many problems arise because of the unmanly abuse of power on the part of the imposter man.
Be extremely alert to it in your own life. From time to time it bites all of us, and we’ve got to get over it. This abuse of power can show itself in you in a variety of forms, all incredibly destructive.
- Emotional abuse - Sexual abuse
- Verbal abuse - Spiritual abuse
- Physical abuse
The overly passive king is an imposter, too. He doesn’t rant and rave or domineer. He actually doesn’t do much at all. And that’s the problem. His position is just a figurehead – he holds the office, but does nothing with it.
This type of man thinks that since he goes to work and financially provides for his family, his job is done. He leaves discipline, school work, housework, yard work, church leadership, playing with the kids, etc. all to other people. He doesn’t lead at all.
We have seen that a true king is neither a tyrant nor a weakling. And never a passive “victim of circumstances.” The king is never passive. For when the king fails, the kingdom falls.
No matter how tough life is, we are called by God to lead. We are going to take hits. We will make mistakes. But we stay at it. And stay. And stay. We don’t give up. We keep growing and improving, moving forward, despite the assaults against us. We need to be the leaders. Not our wives, and certainly not our kids. If we allow our kids to make their own decisions with no guidance from us, they will not know how to make a good decision, and will likely be angry and frustrated to the core.
We cannot let the culture dictate who we will be or define what our role is. TV, radio, school, clubs, video games are dictating more direction in many of our homes than we are. Where is the family getting its direction, the glowing box of light and sound or from a man dedicated to learning and doing the will of God?
Matthew 28:18-20
It is indeed lonely at the top, but Christ is there with us. We can easily say, “I never signed up for this!” But that doesn’t matter. It’s life, and it’s hard. Which is tougher: living the way God wants us to, or going against the way he wants us to live, our design?
The way of a king is, with God’s help, to set a general direction for his family. He pulls others along by the strength of his vision. He’s the one who says, “This is where we need to go. This is the sort of family we need to be. These are the things we need to stand for and value.”
Some of us may have started our marriage and family on Godly principles. Others probably took up their crown later in life. There could be someone here this morning preparing to put his crown on today.
Regardless of what point in life we recognize and accept our responsibility as kings, God calls us to take a stand, and in his strength, to point the way. Not everyone will follow. There will be opposition. There may be outright rebellion. But it is never too late to begin doing the right things. Even while preparing for this morning, I have seen things that I need to start doing, and other things I must start doing better.
In order to be the providers God wants us to be, we must look ahead to see what dangers surround us. We need to scan the horizon for the good of the people with us. If we are unprepared when a struggle arrives, we will be ill-equipped to answer the struggle. But if we see things that are on the way, we can prepare for them in advance.
Most of us have or will face many of these questions:
How am I going to provide financially for my family when I get married?
How am I going to provide enough living space for the children we want to have?
How am I going to balance the pressures of work and family as they each develop?
What will my wife’s emotional needs be when the children are in school; as we face an empty nest; as she enters into menopause?
How can we raise our children so they are increasingly “responsibly independent” of us as parents, and at the same time increasingly “humbly dependent” on our heavenly Father?
What do my children need to know from me before they enter elementary school, middle school, high school, college or career, marriage?
What adjustments do I need to make financially to meet the coming needs of my family and church?
How can I best serve the needs of my church family so it will not become stagnant and root-bound?
How can I help my wife continue to grow as a person of beauty and impact?
What will my family’s needs be for college, the empty nest, and our retirement?
What will it be like for my wife and me when the children are gone?
What will our children need from me when they become independent adult children, and how will my role need to change?
Consider some “potential danger” questions like these:
Are there tendencies from my past that (if I’m not careful) could eventually affect my relationship with my wife and children?
If I keep on the present track of growth in my relationship with the Lord, will I be where I need to be to lead my family in three years? Five years? Ten years?
If I keep on this same track at work, is it going to rob me of the richest years with my family?
What influences is my wife facing at work or in the neighborhood that might change her way of thinking in an unhealthy way?
What if my wife ever falls for another man?
What influences are my children being exposed to at school and in the neighborhood that might change their way of thinking in an unhealthy way?
What if one or more of my children chooses to rebel against our family and the Lord?
What if a woman starts making passes at me?
Am I living and growing the way I want my wife and children to live and grow over the next few years?
What if I find a pornographic magazine in the men’s rest room at work?
Are my children learning the things they need to be learning right now to face the challenges of their next stage of life?
What will high school be like when my children get there, and how can I help them be prepared for those crucial years?
What is something fatal happens to my wife, or one or more of my children; how will I deal with that?
What if I lose my job or the economy takes a sudden, harsh turn for the worst?
After looking over the list, wouldn’t it be nice to be able to avoid so many of these things altogether? But we can’t. Some of them will get us. We must be ready.
In addition to taking care of the needs of those around you, it is also your responsibility to take care of yourself, your own physical and emotional needs. This will allow you to stay healthy at home and at work. This can include:
- physical exercise - dealing honestly with anger
- seeing a doctor when needed - sharing your struggles with other men
- getting enough rest - finding friends to spur you on
A king who is burned out, beat up, and run down is no good to anyone. You must take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Any servant-king who doesn’t think he needs help is deceiving himself. We do need help, and truckloads of it.
Those around you will function to help you, but in order for them to do so, you must be consistent in your leadership so they can better determine how to serve your needs to allow you to function as God designed. You must show respect in order to receive it. You must encourage the achievements of others, if they are to encourage yours.
Being a provider is working hard to create an environment that says, “Everything is okay…Daddy’s here.” We do that by smoothing troubled waters as we walk through the door. We control our anger. Smile more. Play catch. Read stories. Clean the kitchen. Smile more. Let kids be kids. Always encourage. Laugh. Get on the floor and play whatever the kids want.
Being a provider also means having a healthy understanding of authority so your family can, too. Refuse to bad-mouth your boss. Refuse to cut-down the pastor, the kids’ teachers, the police. Never say derogatory things about your wife, but especially when the kids can hear. By you doing that, you undermine her worth and authority in their lives, and teach them that that is proper behavior.
A shepherd has full responsibility for the sheep under his care. It is his job to make sure they are fed, watered, doctored when ill, etc. We must do all of these for our families, and so much more. We must provide for physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, justice, mercy, honor, and we must never abandon the flock.
Now consider this: As those who have been given the ability and the responsibility to “watch over” others (as God watches over us), we should be asking and answering questions regarding the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of those who look to us as shepherd. Questions, perhaps, like these…
Physical needs
Is my wife getting the rest she needs?
Is my pregnant wife getting the prenatal care that both she and the baby need?
Is my wife seeing the doctor regularly for routine physicals?
Am I, and the other members of my family, getting the balance of diet, exercise, and rest that is healthy for us?
Are my children being given opportunities to develop their basic motor skills-such as climbing trees, participating in sports, ballet, dance, gymnastics, or playing catch?
Am I taking time to do these things with my kids?
Am I certain in my heart about those who watch the children in our absence-even if they are family members? Have I carefully questioned the kids about that care?
Do my children know how to be safe around strangers?
Emotional needs
Am I, my wife, and our children all so busy we don’t have time to stop and get some refreshment together?
Are we assuming that intense busyness in “good things” is always the best choice?
Do we have time for significant vacations?
Is there opportunity and a place for each of us to be alone and quiet in our house?
Am I reading materials that will refresh my soul? Are we encouraging and helping others in our family and church to do the same?
Am I helping my family realize the emotional value of meditating on God’s word?
Am I expressing my emotions to my family? Do they see me laugh, cry, hurt, and rejoice?
Am I giving them the opportunity and encouragement to express their emotions to me and the rest of the family?
Is my wife growing weary from disciplining the children without much response? Does she need some help from me?
Are there responsibilities that my wife has taken on around the home that are weighing her down, that I could possibly take over for her or get taken care of some other way?
Spiritual needs
Am I spending regular time alone with the Lord, opening my heart to him in prayer and listening intently to Him through the Word?
Are my wife and I praying regularly together?
Am I helping make sure my children learn how to read and understand the Bible? Do they understand how to pray?
Am I appropriately and skillfully asking my children how their walk with Jesus is going? Am I doing anything to motivate them in that direction?
How can I help my wife keep growing spiritually?
Am I making sure there are good Christian books around the house for the family to pick up and read?
Well, it is long, but I hope you find it helpful. Nothing really worth doing well comes easy. And certainly not becoming the men God wants us to be. Keep at it. Don't quit. I read a quote from Franklin Roosevelt today..."If you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on."
